Nov 9, 2015
This last week was one of the hardest I’ve had for a while. Feeling such an intense pull to grow and shift and let go. It all led up to the clarity created this weekend.
I just finished my first 6 months of Ayurveda training. We finished our last weekend together with the stuff that got me in the door of yoga. Philosophy of focus, aspects of the mind, sankyha. ALL of this learning the past two years has provided me with systems of the way I’ve already thought and felt. It has served my logical brain while reassuring my internal mind that I was on the right track.
And now it’s time to write a new #bhavana.
The one I wrote a year and a half ago has come true! I believe in #bhavana. In writing down what the future acts like, looks like, feels like, and how we got there. In writing our future as if it’s already happened so we can send that energy into the world. It’s amazing what a catch these 3 words can be though, what a challenge it is to remember the future under that roof. To not write down what we stopped in the year ahead but to write what has begun. To decide what we want for ourselves in no wishy washy terms and to look back from the future on how you got there. Don’t write “happy to be in love and a good job now” but to write “I’m so glad I was bold and introduced myself at coffee to this giggle monster who holds my hand and walks with me and the dog every evening. All while I did X,y,z and now I’ve finally made that job that lets me pick my hours and my clients.” Or whatever those whimsical wants ACTUALLY play out as for you. Give this remembering the future a try and see how it feels to get lost in your letter. How good it feels to look back on the things we will make happen in a way that’s positive, concrete, and specific. It’s all in us. The limitless potential. Going to keep practicing clearing out of my own way.
Sep 14, 2015
I am a yoga teacher at @onedowndog. Whaaaat!? I’ve been subbing and hopping around this summer waiting until my schedule settled enough so I could say - I now have regularly scheduled classes at @onedowndog every week! Monday’s - 4:30pm in #EagleRock Tueaday’s - 7am in #Silverlake Thursday’s at 3:45pm also at the Silverlake location on Sunset blvd. I’ll still be subbing extra times, hanging at the front desk, and teaching my weekly donation class! Guys. I’m really doing ALL the things. #cabinlandia and a @laurenlemon photo. (at Serene Lakes, Soda Springs)
Aug 17, 2015
The more I appreciate I’ll never be fully formed the more I look forward to the forms I will take.
The nature of nature is change - it’s this human brain that causes the grind when we decide our choices are above change. It’s this human brain that forgets how beautiful and natural it is for something solid and rooted and whole from the core to constantly transform too.
Be a rock covered with living changing evolving moss, with moving transformative water coursing through you. That human brain gets confused in what a thriving forever should look like. Forever changes forms. (at Buckhorn, California)
Jul 29, 2015
This last week has been… As if all of 2015 stepped into itself - and I didn’t stand there in well fitting shoes and say ‘oh good, now we’re done.’ But rather, I went to a sculpt class and worked hard - because more than ever it’s time to move and find action on THIS step. Time for another round of action, reflection, surrender.
On Saturday morning I got a text saying 'he’s sick, wanna jump and teach?’. While I had done some $5 classes there - I didn’t have my official 'audition’ test run class to get hired with my own legit regular class scheduled until Tuesday but I didn’t hesitate, I said - 'sure’.
Oh. WHAT? Sure. SURE!? “Sure” I’ll teach a class of 20 advanced yogi’s in the class and the poses that have challenged me the most. “Sure” I’ll teach my first full on legit ‘practice 'nuthin’ class in 3 hours from now. “Sure” I’ll take the opportunity to teach at one of the largest yoga studios in Los Angeles. “Sure” I’ll sub for an incredible teacher knowing his students know whats good. Sure. And I didn’t mean it dismissively as much as it was a fast response delivered with sureness. I am ‘sure’ I can teach this class. I am ‘sure’ that I understand how to take care of them. I am ‘sure’ that I have something valuable to offer. Sure. Yes. Sure.
The weekend continue’d to unveil in a series of butterflies landing in my hands and settling as such.
Those butterflies that you aren’t supposed to hold too tightly but ache to have and squuuueeeeze because they’re so great. Those gentle, floating, balanced based creatures that ask us for delicacy and patience - and steady yet energized hands.
And I just feel grateful. and a little nervous. Really proud. And firmly firmly grounded.
I keep waiting to be EXCITED - and I am, but it comes from a steadier place. There’s no bouncing. There is exhaling. More like the tree that’s been deeply and quietly rooting waiting for spring, until it was time to bloom bigger and brighter for having taken seasons off. And a whole lot less like this bright swaying sprig of a tree that I’ve thought of myself as these past few years. I’m growing new leaves, I’m blooming, I’m putting something out into the world rather than just taking something away from it.
I taught that final ‘audition’ class yesterday.
And I’ll now have my own class times, every week at One Down Dog - a studio I’ve seen move from a friend’s dream to a booming reality, a studio I started my training at a year ago, a massive yoga home to all different brilliant humans. And I get to teach there now. I am a yoga teacher.
And I got to go home and tell the people about it who I want to have hear. Because butterflies are safe in these hands. I am patient, devoted, and softly, steadily energized.
And is there still work to be done? Room to grow? Distance to traverse?
But these butterflies are thriving in the hands that have held them this year. Lets take ‘em on a sight change. Lets see what these gentle and energized hands are capable of next.
Too cliche to say I’m just getting started?
Just getting started.
Jul 15, 2015
Jul 3, 2015
I am devoted.
I do not choose and focus on a passion and love that burns out. I do not fear or am not dissuaded by the natural ups and downs or the shape things take. When I cannot achieve sustainability in one way I do not unroot and fall - I hibernate and bloom and move forward with a more sattvic season in mind. It’s not conditional or goal oriented. It’s loyalty and support to process of that love. I will forget this about myself. But I’m proud to know I am a devoted person. These passions/loves I’ve chosen test my ability to surrender after the action and reflection. And there are daily opportunities for discernment in which love is requiring of which when - but I am devoted to it. (at Serene Lakes)
Jun 25, 2015
Jun 24, 2015
Jun 7, 2015
Give yourself, your family, your closest friends a #cabinlandia type place if possible. A place designed for self and love and warm stuff. A nest, an adventure zone, a place of restoration. I’m going through old photos and ridding myself of old things thinking about importantances. Such is a Sunday. #shmistersummit (autocorrect really fights with you using fake words fyi) (at Serene Lakes, Soda Springs Ca)
May 22, 2015
May 18, 2015
I usually fill birthdays up with so much reflection and hopes of the year to come. This year I just felt grateful. Grateful for feet and hands and a face that has feelings. Grateful to be a walking talking thinking redheaded me. I don’t know what 26 has. But I’m sure grateful to be having any of it.
May 15, 2015
May 11, 2015
May 9, 2015
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 22, 2015
This is a photo of me rolling onto my back after falling ON my face trying an inversion in the middle of the room for the first time(use your mat, and a teacher). Oh sweet yoga, what a metaphor for life you are. I’ve been trying to wear the shoes of abundance, activity, courage, and bringing a new level of gusto to my life. Thus I’ve found myself drawn to inversions for the first time in my practice. Today’s lesson - it only hurts to fall on your face for a moment. But the pride of trying and working hard and trusting yourself will outshine any shiner you may give yourself falling. Why not try? #thisisyoga (at ONE DOWN DOG - Eagle Rock)